This is probably the hardest thing I have done to date, especially since I have found my faith. I made allusions, in my last blog, to certain things that I was struggling with that I wanted to keep between me and God. However, events have transpired in such a way that I wanted to share it with you, as an example of how God sometimes needs to lower you down before He can help you.
The thing I was struggling with was self pleasuring. There we go. I said it. Self pleasuring. The time periods between occurrences would vary (sometimes hours, sometimes days, sometimes a week or two) but in the end I would always cave in. Afterwards I would always feel disgusting and unclean, but I told myself I would resist it next time (I never did).
I told my other half about it, how frequent it was and whether pornography was used or not, and after the air had cleared, she said she would help me as best as she could and that she would pray for me. She also gave me some pretty good advice on how to deal with these urges should they occur again (which I have a feeling they will).
I understand why she reacted so angrily to begin with. It’s not nice to hear these sorts of things, but I read somewhere that you must always repent your sins to God (first and foremost) and then to the person you have offended. If I hadn’t told her, then not only would I have been disrespecting both God and her, then it could have blown up into something a lot worse.
In closing, I have heard plenty of good things about this blog and it’s honesty (one commenter even called it “real”). I hope you realize why I am posting this. It’s not to receive a pat on the back for doing the “right thing”, nor am I doing it to show everyone what a good Christian I am. I am doing this so that, several years down the line, I can look back at this post and say “I was weak here, but God put me in this position so he could teach me the value of asking for help and how silly it is to try and go things alone when I don’t have the strength”.
I also hope that someone might stumble upon this who is in the same position as I am, and ask for help themselves. It is never too late to ask for His help.
1 John 4:10
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Have a blessed day.